Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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