Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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