I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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