proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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