She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
