My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
please come you make the beer taste better
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
