i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she told me i tasted like america
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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