You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
