Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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