So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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