I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
