Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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