So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
