And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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