Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
