At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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