Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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