stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
