my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
