i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
