Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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