I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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