i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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