I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
