i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
