omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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