And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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