Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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