what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
how does that bad decision feel?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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