Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
