What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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