So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You can't special order awesome
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
