I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
