names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
