She is in my trunk
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
