hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
