Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
