Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
