It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
