I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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