i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He shit in the fireplace
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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