I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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