Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
