he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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