tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
