Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
