yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
