I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
