so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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