hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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