I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
