Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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