I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
honey bunches of taint.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
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i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
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