ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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