Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
