I wish I could punch you in the face.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
