If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos