I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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