Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
