I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Actions speak louder than pants.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
