so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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