DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
